The Opression of Repression

When sexually immature or conflicted people—especially men—gain positions of authority, there seems to be an inevitable urge to fulfill their unmet human needs by becoming tyrants.

The desire for sex, love or both that they have so long tried to push down within themselves now bubbles up and manifests itself in dangerous ways. We have seen many publicized cases, especially regarding priests, pastors, and other elders within religious organizations.

This also happens in young people as they move past puberty into adulthood. The movie Black Swan, starring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, is a beautifully rendered version of this example which shows the dangers of sexual repression and how its psychological weight can leads to sexual irresponsibility—or worst. Though the story is relevant to this analysis, the significance of this film will be discussed in an upcoming article. This study will focus on the Church, and the need of its leaders to control sexual desire—specifically men.

Pride—The Sin of Moral Superiority

The term “holier than thou” is a grim, ironic phrase for this phenomenon. All too often we see men in senior ecclesiastical positions, who might even squirm at the mere mention of the word ‘sex’, who lecture us about the dangers of sexual impurity—while never really examining the issue within themselves.

As a Catholic, I find it very difficult to listen to a priest tell me about the virtues and vices of human sexuality, when he has spent his whole life deliberately avoiding it.

To be fair, I have been blessed to receive the counsel of chaste and celibate clergy who have examined sexuality, both in themselves and the world, with more thoroughness than the most ardent scholars on the subject. But recently I have been struck by my observations of sexually conflicted men who need to control and manage the innermost desires of their parishioners.

They intrude as dictators into the deepest chambers of the human heart, where sexual liberty clashes with responsibility in a never-ending battle to reach that highest plane of existence: communion with God.

Earlier this year I went camping with some very close friends who are 7-Day Adventists. A guest pastor, married with two beautiful kids, was preaching on the Sabbath about Samson and Delilah. He said, “Let’s not lie. Sex is wonderful, right? It is magnificent, correct?! But, it belongs in the context of a marriage. As we can see with Samson, the most common downfall of any man is his unwillingness to control his sexual desire for women.”

I cannot tell you how happy I was to hear him say that. Not only did he speak plainly about this very sensitive issue, but he created an eloquently comparison between love and lust.

Also, he gave me a new nickname for my friend Gabby, a very opinionated, strong-willed (not to mention hard-bodied) Dutch girl who is one of my dearest friends.

“Hey, Gabby, that’s your new name—The Downfall!”

She was a little less than pleased with her new nickname, but it was all in fun, and yes gentlemen the picture below is really her. Beauty, Brains, and she can put you in a triangle choke. (Too bad she dates dumbasses!)

What I loved most about the pastor’s sermon was that he talked about sex from a very personal, very human perspective. He had the authority to speak on the virtues and vices of sexuality, more so than any priest, because he had experienced them.

I love the Catholic Church, and I’ve had some dear friends who are priests, but I find it hypocritical that any man should preach to me about something he has never experienced. Even if a priest has had sex before he was ordained (yes, Catholics, this happens!) he has not experienced the virtue of Holy Matrimony, and rarely has he weathered the storms of a relationship. I find it very difficult to listen to a man lecture me on the virtues of relationships, marriage and fidelity when he has not tried them.

From the deepest depths of my soul I desire a family, but I still have questions and concerns about how to be the best husband and father possible. I have to ask myself, “From a simply pragmatic standpoint, would it be more logical to seek the counsel of a priest who has never been in a relationship, or a pastor who has been married for 25 years and has two well adjusted children?”

What if I get married, and my wife and I are having difficulty in the bedroom? (This, of course would never happen to me! I say sarcastically). But, seriously, this is a huge problem with a majority of devout Christian couples. Some studies suggest that up to 60% of married Christian women are dissatisfied in the "boudoir." This is antithetical to the Christian virtue of pro-creation, given the fact that a women who "reaches the zenith" significantly increases her chances of conception. So, what then? Should I consult my priest for a lesson on female anatomy, or do you think the pastor might be better equipped to point me in the right direction? (No, pun intended.)

One might argue that a priest is the epitome of human virtue, because he has chosen a life of chastity—but therein lies the problem. How do we know what goes through the head and heart of any celibate person? What if this decision is less about purity, and more about fear of intimacy? Suppressing the single strongest human emotion, the one that drives us to propagate our species, does not sound like normal healthy human behavior. What if one decided to suppress their appetite, and refuse to eat? The consequence would be death. If we as a species completely repressed our sexual desire the consequence would be extinction. Given the argument that this is fundamentally our most important biological instinct would not the consequences of its repression be, at the very least, harmful? This is not to be confused with sexual responsibility, but most pastors do not discuss this issue responsibly. So, then why are the highest positions of authority in most churches held by men who continually preach that this biological desire is a sin, and that its repression is the key to living a holy life and to communion with God? Why would God make us sexual creatures, then? Did He not say in the Old Testament: “Go forth and multiply”?

If repression is the key to God, then you are calling God a tyrant. God is the greatest advocate of anarchy if you really think about it, because He does not dictate the way we live our lives. We are not pieces on a chess board that he moves around. He gave us free will to choose our paths. He does not repress anything; not even Satan. He cast Satan out of Heaven, yes, but never did he diminish Satan’s power to influence humanity. It goes against the very foundation of God’s love for us. Love is not repression; it is freedom. Our desire is not oppressive; it is inspiring. God inspires us to do what is right, but even when we fail, does God not love us?

I believe that any preacher who tries to repress anyone is guilty of heresy against God. God gave us the gift of desire as the first indicator of our love for another human being, and, by association, His love for us. The problem is that we twisted it into lust. This transformation of God’s gift into evil happens in a number of ways, and I feel most commonly it is due to repression. Holding people in bondage, whether it be physically, mentally, spiritually or ideologically, is the surest way to cause them to revolt violently. Nearly every single oppressive regime that has ever existed in the history of mankind has met a violent and bloody end.

The most recent was Muammar Gaddafi, the brutal dictator of Libya. In October of 2011, CNN showed the aftermath of his repression over with the now infamous video of freedom fighters dragging him through the streets of Sirte, his hometown.

We can see from an ideological standpoint how repression causes people to commit acts they normally wouldn’t commit. I have observed, from a moral standpoint, that ecclesiastical repression of any human desire has only served to increase the urge to engage in irresponsible human behavior. How can young people make balanced and informed judgments about sex when all they are taught is “Don’t do it!” This is not a realistic or healthy educational method regarding the single most important issue of our existence.

There is a general misconception that men fight wars over things such as gold, land, oil, power. But the truth is, the single greatest resource men fight for is a woman’s womb. Why do we fight so hard for the womb? Because if we fail to seed a womb with our DNA and produce offspring, we die forever.

If you take a good look at Biblical Hell, you will discover that is not an eternal place of damnation and pain. God is merciful, hence He has no desire to punish us for all eternity. Ironically this is not what most Christians are taught when they are children. God is merciful, hence Hell is a lake of fire that extinguishes the eternal life of evil men and women, i.e. it is the death of the soul.

What if we looked at the prophecy of eternal life from a biological standpoint? What if God’s promise of eternal life was not for your soul, but rather your DNA? In this context Heaven would be the passing on of your genes to the next generation. Hence, a woman’s womb is literally the Gateway to Heaven. Hell in this context is the genetic death of a man for failing to father offspring. In this context, we understand why this particular biological desire is so great and why its control is so passionately fought for. This is the true underlying reality that causes a man to do great and foolish things all of his life.

This reality is so great that women will offer their bodies in sin, so that they might live to bring forth another generation. And men accept that sin, and will kill their own brothers, often literally, extinguishing their own genes (genocide) in order to live on.

I have observed that repression in one’s self often leads to a need to repress others. As we have seen time and time again, it does not work, and often leads to even greater evils.

The one evil that boils my blood the most is when a pastor says that any thought about being with a woman is a sin, even if both of you are in a courtship with the intent to marry and have children. This is not a sin. Yet I have heard, time and again, pastors say that it is. I fear their hopes for me are not that I will reach the Kingdom of Heaven, but that I will become a loyal subject of their Kingdom of Repression. The sole purpose of any spiritual leader is to inspire and uplift the people of which they serve. They are not called by God to hold people in bondage.

Now you “textbook Christians” will quote Matthew 5:28: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

First, Christ was specifically talking about married women, and married men who look at other women lustfully. Yet pastors will all too often point to this as proof of their dominion over sexuality, and condemn those who would question their divine gifted authority. Second, what constitutes a lustful thought? Is wanting to be in union with a particular woman, because everything about her calls to you, an impure thought? Is it not a biological indicator manifesting itself in your psyche that you and her are genetically compatible?

The correct use of their authority is to inspire through the teachings of the Gospel and how they apply to the modern day. They are meant to empower the life, the work, the freedom, and the authentic nature of each believer, so that he may return to the path God intended him to walk. They are called to do this for the clergy which they lead, the believers whom they guide, and most importantly, in their own hearts. This is the way Pope John Paul II, for the most part, wielded his power—but even he went too far regarding intimate relations between a man and a woman.

When sexually inexperienced men in any church exercise their authority like this, it seems their unfulfilled human desires are demanding a type of subservience from others to fill the unquenched fires of their lonely hearts.

They seem to have a need to control the innermost desires of others while denying their own. Hence, they project thier own fears regarding intimacy onto thier congrigation.

Perhaps, it is because they fear to reach the apogee I spoke of earlier: communion with God through intimate union with a woman. Perhaps they are afraid to be naked before God, for they fear what it might reveal to them about their own souls. If the desire to copulate represents our single most overwhelming desire to commune with God, then I fear our leaders don’t want to reach God at all. I think they actually fear communion with God, because they fear becoming "one flesh" with a woman. They do not even want to think about it.

Repression of a man’s own desire, with regards to any aspect of his life, is an oppression of women, because he is holding himself back from giving her his divine gifts, the greatest being love. Again we see that the Devil is a master composer, for in this symphony he uses your own virtue against you. A majority of men who truly believe they are respecting women by repressing their desires for her are, in actuality, committing the sin of oppression. Why? Because, as a man, to keep your true, good, God-like love away from a woman keeps her in the prison of loneliness and despair. Especially if you truly want her, and she truly wants you. While you are trying to find your courage to talk to her, you are wasting her time if you never plan to commune in love with her. Her time could be better spent looking for a brave man who wasn’t crippled by fear. You have her in a holding pen of your cowardice, fed by her longing for your touch. You, as a man of truth and goodness, have a duty to give your love to a righteous woman as proof of God’s love for her when you feel that overwhelming desire pulling you toward her. That is God’s pull, and the stronger the pull, the more this woman is right for you. When you fail, you are guilty of treason against God, for you betrayed His plan for you.

It is not surprising that so many women give in to the poetry of pick-up artists, given the lack of courage from good men. The word ‘seduce’ has two meanings; 1) to charm or 2) to lie. If you do not charm a woman in the true Light, then sooner or later her despair and loneliness will blind her to the lies in the Darkness.

Women feel too deeply to sustain the bitter winter of solitude.

They need love, more than anything in the world, and if they wait too long for it, the cold February wind of rejection will obscure the sounds of Lust coming from the lips of a mysterious stranger.

She will convince herself that his "pick-up lines" are a sonnet of love.

Candlelight and a bottle of wine will give way to disco lights and 10 shots of tequila. As the Darkness takes her, so will your competition. His will take her in lust because you did not have the balls God gave you to ask her out to dinner.

Know this, gentlemen. The universe will not wait for you. It will unapologetically weed your genes out of existence if you do not find the courage to win the heart of the woman you truly love, and you will die.

Forever.