Why Your Woman Wants You

I’m sitting a few pews behind a little girl, no more than seven years old, with a stump on her left arm below the elbow where a hand and forearm used to be. I think of Bethany Hamilton. She is a pro-surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack when she was 13. She is portrayed by AnnaSophia Robb in the movie Soul Surfer.

I think to myself, ‘I wonder if I could deal with an amputation like she has ---- like my father did.” She is in the Cathedral on a Thursday evening with her parents before 5:30 Mass. She is hugging her father with her human arm and her mother with her spirit arm. She is between them, excited, digging her stump into her mothers shoulder. She is happy ---- and so are her parents.

I think of my dad lying alone in his hospital bed. I am proud to be his son today. We had a good laugh last night with our irreverent dry humor. All of the very, very pretty nurses got a good laugh out of it. You could see it in their eyes that they enjoyed seeing a father and son so in love with each other. We men can never say it like that (because it sounds gay!), but it's true. I truly love my father, and he truly Loves me. Sometimes we are all the other one has.

The nurses loved us in that moment because, we were men. Truly, we were men.

He has had a very tough life, my father. Some things happened to him, some things he did to himself, but all in all he is one tough SOB that I am proud to call my father. I think of my former relationships. I think of the mistakes I made, and more importantly, the things I got right. How with a woman every time I held fast, undisturbed by her storm and the storms of everyday life , she fell more deeply in love with me.

Today was one of those days.

One nurse in particular took a liking to me. She has spent a week with my father before I called up to the nurse's station asking her to direct me to the room with the "Peg-leg Hawaiian-lookin' Mexican." She laughs on the phone and skillfully retorts. I arrive on the elevator and meet my phone playmate in the flesh. She is very, very attractive. Very! But I am here to see my father, and it's been one hell of a long day. This causes her interest to grow, but not because I am being coy or ignoring her, but because I am genuinely interested in talking with my dad and decompressing from the weight of the day. As the banter between my father and I escalates her intrigue transforms to attraction, and when I talk to her about how happy I am that my 67 year old father is healing so quickly from major surgery her face blushes ---- severely!

Charles Darwin, in his book "The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals" described blushing as "... the most peculiar and most human of all expressions." It seems there are a numbering of differing opinions on the reason she blushed which no one can really explain.

I can.

Her red cheeks were a physical manifestation of her emotional response. What she was feeling was love, but not in the way women usually feel it. She is feeling sexual desire; like a man does primarily. She moved past her emotional state into the physical. The feeling swells within her, and her body calls for me.

A doctor from Yale I dated when I lived in New York said it is called ‘vasodilatation.’ She said from a psychological standpoint it is thought to be a 'fight or flight' response. Although in this context, it may be more accurately stated as a 'love or leave' response. From a physiological standpoint she said that blood rushes to parts of our body when we need to use them. This happens with muscles when we want to fight or run, and this happens with our skin when we want it to be touched. I have seen it firsthand, we all have, and everyone has experienced that uncontrollable rush when we desire a particular person's hands on our bodies. Remember, gentlemen, this response is uncontrollable, so pay attention to those rosy cheeks next time you say something that puts a smile on your woman's face. She just might be wanting you to touch her. Start with the cheek, then see where it goes!

So, now that we've had our science lesson for the day let us get back to the important question: 'Why is she attracted to me?' ---- Because I did not hit on her.

A woman as attractive as her expects men to hit on her even though their wife, mother or child lie in a hospital bed not 30 feet away. She expects it to happen because it always does, but she does not welcome it. This is where her attractiveness becomes a burden, and shows how many men lack integrity given this is not the place to comment on her looks. My smile and eye contact told her all she needed to know. This is her work place, and you must respect that.

My attraction was stated without words, and I showed respect to her and my father by keeping my "game" reserved for an appropriate venue. What really put her over the edge was my genuine desire to be there with my ol' man. Pretty woman or not I was there to care for him, as she was., and everything else was of no consequence.

So why did this evoke her feelings of attraction? Because, I am me. She does not affect me. She cannot change me because I already am who I am with or without her. It is the same with the world around me. I don't think a woman really appreciates how adept she is at reading people; especially men. It is a primal instinct that was key to her genetic survival. She had to understand and read the nuances of men, and gauge his genetic endurance (even if it was on a sub-conscious level), so she could choose the right mate, and ensure her genetic survival through her children and grandchildren.

My dad is a testament to this because he has endured so many hardships, and I am cut from the same genetic cloth. This genetic fortitude along with my wit calls to her DNA. The chemistry between her and I is literally chemistry. It is her biological indicator that you are genetically compatible, and will produce healthy offspring. I feel the same draw given her sharp sarcasm, caring nature, clear skin, and feminine curves. On a primal unconscious level she wants her children to be of me and of their grandfather through me.

My dad literally had his legs cut off when he was 19 in a construction accident (hence the name peg-leg), and he is still standing.

His psychological strength is cleverly shown by his prosthetic legs; one adorned with an American Eagle clutching a Harley-Davidson emblem, and the other with Bugs Bunny and the Looney Tunes gang.

This is where I get my irreverent sense of humor, and this is why, given all his failings, everyone my father knows admires him. She wants his genes that exist within me to exist within her children.

This makes her want to have 10,000 of my babies!

It is the same response I get every time I stand unmoved by the trials of life, or unmoved by the trials of a woman. I get what I desire most from both of them---love and respect. She could see the weight of the world on my face that day, but there was still a smile and a humor that life could not take from me. This is lesson that has taken most of my life to understand.

The mistake most men make is waiting for that one moment when his life will get easier and his woman will "get it," and all will be right with the world. The problem is he is waiting on a fantasy that will never come. Life and woman are synonymous in that they will test you until the day you die. I think more men would be better with their woman if they approached her the way they approach life---not as something to be fixed or changed---but to be embraced and experienced. Most men understand that life cannot be molded into their perfect world. The same is true with a woman. Her emotions run so deep, and her moods are so strong there is no way you will ever change her, so stop trying.

I came to this understanding when I started sailing. The very first time I was on a sailboat I was standing on the bow (front) of the boat next to the jib sail when I realized I couldn’t hear the motor. I looked back and asked, “Is the engine off?” My shipmate replied with a smile, “We’re sailing, baby!”

I fell in love instantly! The reality of moving over the water with nothing but the wind gave me a feeling of freedom I have rarely known. Because of competitive sailboat racing I have learned that you cannot get angry when a woman has her mood swings, or does something your logical ape-man brain cannot comprehend. There is nothing to comprehend. You might as well get angry at the wind for not blowing your way, or try to comprehend why the nurturing Mother Earth can sometimes be unmercifully violent. Life is the water and your woman is the wind. You as a man are both the sailboat maker, and the captain of your ship. Life inspires you to build your sailboat, and your woman's wind challenges you to sail her waters. If you do not know how to read a compass; trim the main; take up on the halliard; or fly the spinnaker; both life and your woman will shipwreck you on the shoals of their dissatisfaction. Make no mistake gentlemen, any battle you have endured, even a fire-fight in war, is nothing compared to the challenge of a truly good feminine woman. The pain from the bullet you took in Afghanistan is nothing compared to the pain she will bring down on you, but if you can master your emotions and control your sexual desire for her your rewards will be a deeper connection and a greater sexual love than you could have ever imagined. But, unlike the war her tests will never end.

Ever.

This as a man is what you need to understand in yourself. Like my father you must endure the amputations that life takes, violently, from your soul. You must endure no matter the depths of your pain. You must understand that she loves you precisely because you can take the Hell that life is. She Loves you because you are healing immersed in pain; you are laughter consumed in sadness; you are the light in the utter darkness. You are a smart, funny, pipe-hitting, Harley-Davidson ridin', Loony Tunes lovin' Son of a B, with a crescent wrench and a blow-torch, ready to fix any problem and crush anyone who tried to harm her or her children. It does not matter your stature, physical appearance, or bank statement because if you are who you truly should be you are the most attractive man she has ever known.

Forget your Mexican father and your Spanish mother because to her, in this moment, your heritage is Steel and Sex Appeal ---- believe it! You are as sharp as a samurai's sword and twice as hard, and in your strength she finds freedom. She wants you to penetrate her (no pun intended), and in that death she will be reincarnated. She will be born again in your child; so will your father; so will you.

This, gentlemen, is how you win a woman's heart. This is love and respect because you are the leader of your life. You are the captain of your own ship, and though her winds may blow violently, and her seas may try to shipwreck you on the rocks of her emotions, you cannot be harmed. Even if she ended your life it doesn't affect who you are. She wants you to resist her, she wants you to endure the pain of your emotional control, and most importantly she does not want you to give in to her. She wants you to stand firm in her storm, and direct the ship no matter the cost.

She wants you to be a man. Your reward for this is her love.

When a man endures the tests that life and his woman throw at him she cannot help but desire him. It is as inevitable as us as men wanting Adriana Lima when she looks at us with those exotic blue eyes of her. (Any guy out there who does not know who Adriana Lima must ceremoniously remove his testicles for it is required knowledge for all men!) Her attraction isn't a choice when she is with a true man ---- unperturbed in the storm that is her emotions. Her doubts of your worthiness are now reflected back to her, and now she is on the offensive and wants you to take her. She wants to be worthy of your genetic heritage, but more importantly she wants to thank you. She wants to reward you with a smile, a kiss, a hug, and her body for holding fast through all of the hardships of life. This gentlemen, is what we as men want more than anything in the world. It is not just about our genetic heritage. This is where sex crosses over from the physical to the emotional. This is how we experience love.

When a man feels his woman truly wants him, and she invites him into her body, he releases all of the pain and injustice he has fought in the world. His physical pain and mental anguish are released into her, and she takes it into her body willingly transforming it into love. This is why women harbor secret fantasies about violent sex. They want to feel a man's power inside their body. A good spanking is fun (and naughty!), but we are not meant to harm our woman. We are meant to take her----not in selfish lust, but in conscious love. We are meant to ravish her----completely.

Ravishment is complete surrender to the mortality of being human, both for the man and for the woman. For the man, this is reflected in his courage as he faces the world. If you are a man of conscious you know you cannot stop death. You may fear death, but that fear does not paralyze you like it does so many of your brethren. The reason for this is that you embrace it fully, and in that moment you are the epitome of what a man should be. You are the ideal---fear is just a thing like wind or breathing. Fear is nothing to hide from, it is something to breathe in and propel your life. You build your sails to harness it, hence it belongs to you. It is your possession---not because you dominate it, but because you refuse to let it dominate you. You have mastered it with the understanding that it will always test you. So it is with your woman.

I have sailed races where it felt like the wind was doing exactly what I wanted---like it could read my every desire. You have experienced this in your life. Perhaps it was just a good day at work, but all men have those days where the world seems to be working for them.

That is why there is never a need to dominate, control, or change your woman. For if you can read her wind she will come to you willingly, and in that moment she will give herself to you completely. In that moment she will surrendered to you in ecstatic love, and you will now own her.

Take it easy, girls!

This is not about slavery, you as a free woman will give yourself to him freely. You want to be possessed by him because in this moment you are complete. You are at peace. Your mind is quiet, your body is awake, and you want him to take you. You want to feel his power and strength inside of you---your body, your mind, and your soul. You want him to give you his pain, to die inside you, and transform the darkness he carries into light. You take is hate into you and transform it into love. This is what he feels when he releases into you. You feel this release---this transformation---and you surrender to him as you surrender to God. In this moment when your body, unclothed, is pressed against his, your spirit is raised to Heaven, and when that moment comes (pun intended!) your bodies become one. The sounds coming from your mouth are a song to heaven,

“...remember when I moved in you
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah"

Like the Sphinx, you have found your Oedipus---the man who finally, after all of these years, answered your riddle. You have found a man worthy of you. Finally your heart is at peace, and you can rest with your heart completely open in his loving arms---assured that he loves you for who you truly are. This is why you give yourself to him.

This is why sexual union feels so amazing. In that shining moment she feels God's presence, and then she becomes the woman she is meant to be---in love, in communion, and in carnation with God. When your woman and you become "one flesh," you become one being with a perception and understanding higher than you can possess as individuals.

Sex is much more a spiritual experience than it is a physical one.

In that moment of complete surrender I know I could do anything I wish to my woman. I could defile her in all the darkest ways of my perverted desires, but I don't. Again, it is a test. She does not even know she is doing it. If a woman says to you, "You own me. Do with me what you will. I am yours." it is a test because if you are the man you are supposed to be you will not betray her by hurting her. Women do this in the hopes that they can find a man with whom they can lose control, and still be respected. Unfortunately woman all too often give themselves in this way to the wrong man and she leaves with scars that she will carry for the rest of her life.

She wants to be possessed by a truly good man---by you---by the thought of you---by your smell---by your taste... That is why you catch her wearing your dirty shirts---like a little girl in big pajamas---naked underneath. She does not want anything between you and her body. The shirt stinks, but to her it is intoxicating, for she cannot get enough of your scent. She wears her knight's armor ripe with the stench of the sweat and blood he spilled on the battlefield of life protecting and providing for her and her children. I once dated an extremely erudite and worldly woman from Washington D.C. who would get upset when I washed my shirt because she loved the smell of my body on it.

Don't believe me? Read one of your woman's romance novels. Pirates stink! Also, they don't ask a woman the direction to steer their ship. The basic plot starts off with a beautiful lonely woman bored to death with her life. He breaks into her room, steals her from her father, but does not hurt her. He waits, and by the end of the story she gives in to him; not because he pushes her, but because he stands unmoved by her fear or her desire. He knows she belongs to him. It is only a matter of time, and most importantly he shows her that of all the riches he has in the hull of his ship she is his most prized possession. The gold means nothing to him. It is only a means to care for her. When she realizes this, she surrenders, but he does not take her. He knows it is best to wait, for both of them, so he endures the suffering of his longing for her. He observes his desire for her like Galileo watching the stars; longing for a beauty he cannot touch, but unlike our father of astronomy his desires will be fulfilled. His strong, worn hands will touch her body when it is right; when she wants it; when he knows she can’t take it anymore.

He will take her when her desire is greater than his own.

If you really want a woman this is the key to her. You must build her attraction to you to a point where it is greater than yours. This absolutely kills your woman! She cannot stand it! If you think, as a man, your unquenched desires are powerful they area a raindrop in the ocean of a woman's desire. This is especially true when you embrace who she truly is. Like the pirate captain you thrive on the wind, and welcome the challenge. You also protect her virtue even when she cannot. You will only take her body when you know it is right, and you will not let her harm herself. This is the key. Then, she can live completely free because she can lose herself and feel everything while you maintain control for both of you. In this moment she is free from worry; free from fear; free from oppression; free from harm; free from lust; and free from the unworthy men she allowed into her life.

She is back in the garden of Eden where she offered her apple to you, and you said, no.

This is where things turn, and you are now the prey, and believe me gentlemen when I say that this lioness is more dangerous than any enemy you have ever faced, and she is hungry! She wants to devour you; she wants to kill you, and she loves that she is not strong enough to do, but that won't stop her from trying!

And, though this will make her make her angrier than she has ever been; this will make her roar at times; this will evoke fantasies of sliding a knife across your main vein while you sleep; it will ultimately make her love you more than she ever thought possible.

This is your woman complete because you are her man complete. Your mission in life is to find your purpose God has for you. If you always do what's right, regardless of what your woman says or does; hold fast in the storm; and master your emotions you will find that purpose. This journey will lead you to God, and there you will find her. This is why she is so grateful you are her man,

...for she has been hiding in God's heart waiting wantonly for you to find her.